~BelBel-luv-u~

引用

saw this from a frd's blog. This is VERY VERY FUNNY!!! it's written by a GUY. READ IT!!

 

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.

2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.

4. NEVER miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

5. DON'T refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with them, DO NOT tell your friends that you did.

8.5 If you DO sleep with them, DON'T tell your friends that you did.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales. That's why on a first date, girls never order what they really want to eat.

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy..

11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, ONE OF HIS SWEATSHIRTS, and a really PRETTY RING. Even if it's not a serious relationship.

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, PULL YOUR girlfriend closer.

16. NEVER, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. You don't PMS, so don't act like you know what it's like. Don't try to understand..Believe me you never well, just be aware of the fact that PMS exists!

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend(especially to the girls would be nice).

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

26. Memorize their god damn birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful.

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt her more if you draw it out.

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.

31. Girls are petty; get over it. They like to start fights. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.

32. Don't say you understand when you don't... It will come back in the future and bite your ass.

33. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook, doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.

34. They are Drama queens; never forget that.

35. FASHION POLICE DO EXIST.

36. They don't shave their legs everyday, get over it.

37. Don't make bets about them, they ALWAYS find out.

38. They always think they are fat. So if they ask you "Do these jeans make me look fat", say NO instead of "It's your fat ass that's making you look fat."

39. If you did something wrong, APOLOGIZE. It never hurts to say you are sorry, even if you don't mean it. Saying it only takes 1-2 seconds, but if you don't say it, the pain drags on from couple days to couple months.
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40. Don't call her friend fat and ugly, it's like calling her fat and ugly.

41. They absolutely DO NOT care about your car system and PS2, they only listen because they don't want to disappoint you. So listen when she talks about her Gucci, LV and D&G, at least pretend you are.

42. Don't be too nice to your exs.

43. Do not tell her that your ex is skinner/prettier. If she had a good body, only mention that her face doesn't look that great; If she had a pretty face, focus on the fat ass she had. If she was close to perfect, just don't mention the appearance at all.

44. Girls are DAMN sensitive. She may take something you said and think about it all night long and come ask you about it the next day. Don't call her stupid.

45. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn't get along with other women because she's either bat-shit crazy or just plain bitchy and mean.
46. Girls who say, "I love sports!" are lying. Girls who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they’re talking about, are not. If she hates sports but watches the game with you, she loves you.

47. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends. It's not because she still loves them, it's only cuz girls like to keep everything.
 
48. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.

49. If she gives you her number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.

50. Women always want to believe what you're saying is true.

51.Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.

52. Unless they're lesbians, she won't approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they're ugly. And, really, even if they're lesbians.

53. If you have something to hide, she'll find it.
 
54. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win!! and then she will be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.
 
55.A British study claims a woman's chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent.

56. When she tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions, just shut up and listen!

57. Most women think they're better drivers than they are. Don't point this out while she's at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.

58. Don't call her nothing but "cute", in her mind it's the same as "not vomit-inducing. "Sexy," OK. "Hot," yes. If those don't fit, the good old "pretty" always works.

59. Girls often buy shoes a size or two small because they're in denial about the size of their feet, so don't complain if her feet hurt from a pair of runners.

60. Girls always like to look for evidences of your past relationships, she's talking photographs, postcards, mementos, address books, diaries. Get rid of this stuff or at least hide them before letting her in your apartment. It's not about trust; it's about curiosity, and it drives them crazy till it's been satiated.

61. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they're hovering above the toilet in a squat. (LMAO!!)

62. Gain her trust when you're out by calling her at 10 P.M. She'll go to bed content you're thinking of her...She'll fall asleep sooner.

63. More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat. So when you talk, DO NOT go anywhere near that word.

64. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason. (AHAhaha this is kinda funny)

65. Went to a stripclub? Keep your mouth shut, stupid!

66. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That's your five o'clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. SHAVE Godamnit!
 
67. The one breakup line she'll never be able to argue you out of: "I'm sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you." ( AH so true)

68. Buying a present for your girl? She'll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.

69. Wonder how many boyfriends did she ever have before? The standard lie is 5, which really means about 12.

70. She likes you complimenting on her appearance more than her personality.  She likes it better when she's "prettier" than your exs rather than "nicer".

71.During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.

72. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you'll be "friended."
 
73. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they're unsure. That's why tend to look or act meaner to strangers; they want to look cool.

74. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you'll see it more often.

75. Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn't give you an excuse to be a jerk. (LMAO)

连＂毒气＂和＂遺作＂都上来了．呵呵．

不要问我那些成分是什么，只能大家自己理解．=.= 呵呵